Founder of morethan1victim
to the victims~
We have more in common than you think because I know that what happens behind closed doors is the version of our stories we rarely share.
I know what it is like to feel the paralyzing fear you might still be experiencing. I know how cold the barrel of a gun feels when it touches your skin. I know fear has several levels, from the gut instinct to the terror one experiences because we believe we are about to die. I know how it feels to be consumed by shame and desperately want things to return to how they were before everything became so complicated. I know about feeling so unworthy that you place your hope in the lies that things will get better and that it will never happen again. I know the moments of reconciliation become shorter over time. I know that empty promises become band-aids you place on your wounds. I know your insecurity and self-doubt about your identity, life, and future are the anchor holding you down. I know fear, anger, guilt, shame, and regret are the emotions holding you back from taking control of your life. I know how lonely you feel in a room full of people. I know about your anxiety and depression and how you have considered giving up and never waking up to your reality. I know what it’s like to want everything to stop and not find the courage to leave. I know that the list of excuses gets more significant over time. I know about the lies and cover-up stories you invent to hide your reality. I know you believe there is no way out. I know about feeling misunderstood. I know you have forgotten about the brave person you used to be. I know you are hurting. I am here to tell you- I understand you because I was you; I know.
Founder of morethan1victim
Despite everything I have been through, I am blessed because I can choose how my story ends. Unfortunately, many victims are not as fortunate. What I am about to tell you may not be what you want to hear, but it is necessary if you want to heal and overcome all that you have endured. We have all heard of “tough love,” and part of its definition involves taking responsibility for our actions. You may be wondering why you need to take responsibility. There is a common misconception that taking responsibility for our actions will diminish our experience and excuse the person who hurt us. However, this could not be further from the truth. Accountability produces the opposite effect; it will empower you because it will set you free. I understand the complexity of relationships, and I used to believe a story had two sides until I read somewhere that there are three sides: yours, mine, and the truth. Reflecting on my involvement in an abusive relationship, this is true. Because the one with the whole truth was the one, I attempted to conceal. Let me share that part of my story as it may resonate with you.
I also know fear and anger became my constant companions after the terrible act of violence, and I became someone who defended herself despite hurting others. I know what it is to feel safe and, without warning, lose your sense of security and then spend a lifetime pretending you are not scared. I know I forgot about my dreams, lost all hope, and loved differently after that day. I know that because I lived stuck in the toxic cycle of emotions, I did not know how to control my reactions, and a vindictive person I had not known would appear. I know I hurt and overlooked the well-being and safety of my vulnerable children. I know that, at times, inflicting pain was intentional. I know when I was afraid, I felt anger like never before and released it without measuring the consequences. I know many times, after escalating arguments to dangerous levels, I once again feared for my life. I know that words become powerful weapons when combined with an elevated tone; to this day, I can see the pain left by the aftermath of their destructive path. I know I had a distorted idea of love. I know now, without a doubt, that was not love. I know I wasted my time attempting to change the other person, only to discover it was impossible. I know the last thing I thought I would become was an abuser, but that is what I became.
No one plans on becoming a domestic violence statistic. Over the years, I have spoken with many victims and attended support groups as I silently listened to someone else share their story, which ironically was identical to mine. However, after I became a statistic, I understood that the only way to survive my experience was to take responsibility for how I reacted after the traumatic experience. I am not saying I was asking for or deserved what happened to me; far from it. Every action produces a reaction, and how I reacted after what happened to me turned me into an incredibly toxic person, and I undoubtedly hurt the people I love. Thankfully, I learned that to overcome what I have been through, I had to shift the focus and make it about me, not about the person who hurt me. After discovering the power of taking responsibility for my actions, I adopted a new way of sharing my story: this time, I ensure you have access to all the facts. I am unapologetic when encouraging you to be accountable, and I hope you are not offended because, truthfully, this is the only way to heal and exercise our right to live a free and peaceful life. I have a question: what will you do with everything -you know? You may think your story is different from mine, but you will likely find similarities when you find the courage to accept the good, the bad, and the ugly parts. We are all flawed; the only difference is some learn from their experiences sooner than others. We are all trying to survive as best we can. I found my courage and strength in God. When you find yours, you can join me on the other side. Remember, we cannot rewrite our stories, but we can take the lessons learned and live the remainder of our lives with peace, purpose, and meaning. You are not alone.
share your story
Life is not a competition for perfection. Most of us try to project a picture-perfect image of our lives and relationships, afraid to reveal our true selves. Yet filters only enhance our appearance and surroundings and do not reflect reality. Perfection is an unachievable myth, and pretending will only delay the inevitable, which is to perform the dreaded assessment of our contribution to our broken states. Once we shed the use of filters, we can address our flaws and mistakes, and at last, the healing process can begin.
title for stories
Info blurb inspiring about the storpes people share
Do not be discouraged during tough times.
When we look closer, we can find blessings hidden within our difficulties. Only through enduring hardship can we gain valuable insight and clarity and emerge stronger, wiser, and with a clear vision of our purpose.
Our experiences can create a strong connection with others.
Our story is full of emotions, making us relatable and human. Every survivor’s story has a before and after. With this in mind, I have created a platform where individuals can share their stories and inspire others to heal and discover their definition of success. I invite you to write the afterword portion of your story in a few words. The #minus1victim movement encourages survivors to share their stories of success and inspires others to find the courage to do the same. Join us in removing your name from the list of statistics.